For the last few days I have had a quiet...discontent. Its hard to explain a nothingness...not a void but a clam...but at the same time my old self is restless, thinks there is something to do...something to move forward. I must be doing it wrong if nothing is happening. But the interesting thing is...the calm quiet is louder than this old tape...that brings me MUCH anxiety.
I am seeing a shift from doing to being. From being liked to being of service. From doing it right to being expressed. From being perfect to being sane.
I bow down and thank God for yoga and my teacher...I have ramped it up and am going three days a week. Already in 2-3 weeks it is changing me. While I am in the room I am totally connected, present, strong. Sometimes joyful, sometimes sad...but always authentically where I am with no focus on others (well sometimes a cute boy does distract me I admit it..) but I am definitely not doing my practice to be liked ...just doing my best to be my best self possible for me and for my life as god intends it. When you cultivate that calm, present, energy...you are more likely to know when it is off....and I can sense sooner. I have heard my teacher say in the last couple of weeks to notice when something off the mat is interfering with that space...and drop it before it takes you over (those are my words not his). I can acknowledge that I am able to do that more readily. I have certain people around me that I love, but that I can see are not masterful @ managing their stress, empowerment, peace, etc. Perhaps they are in my life to reflect to me how I have grown and where I still need to.
Man I am grateful for the distance I have come and am very excited at the unfolding that is still occurring...I am open and receptive to letting it all go and being completely content in every moment.
Weekend Adventure -Midwives in Maui
March 16, 2018
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